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  • Writer's pictureDagmara Svetcov LMFT,PSOT

She Comes First. The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

Updated: Feb 20, 2019

Ian Kerner, Ph.D.

She Comes First will make all the “ill-cliterate” ones out there sing “Viva La Vulva”!! as it unveils the secret of female sexual satisfaction. The author, Ian Kerner, offers a new approach to pleasuring women an essential guide to cunnilingus.

In the introduction of the book, Dr. Kerner confesses that his own education as a “cunnilinguist” began with a long struggle with premature ejaculation (PE). He admits: “I was hopeless, pathetic” and “felt terribly alone.” He saw himself as “a sexual cripple” for whom oral sex became a crutch. Soon enough, though, he realized that cunnilingus was not just an aspect of foreplay – “it was coreplay.”

She Comes First is divided into three parts: Part I: The Elements of Sexual Style, Part II: Rules of Usage, and Part III: Putting It All Together. Initially, the author introduces a philosophy that is meant to inform the reader’s approach to sex and relationships. He also clarifies several misunderstood issues regarding sex, sexual practices, and anatomy. Dr. Kerner calls it the “why” of cunnilingus. In the second part, “the “how” of cunnilingus, the readers are provided with “proven” oral techniques that will allow them to successfully lead a woman through the entire process of sexual response (i.e., desire, arousal, orgasm). In the third part, readers are offered clear routines for integrating the earlier introduced techniques into a unified sexual experience.

Lastly, at the end of the book, the readers will find a series of appendices with several step-bystep methods of effective cunnilingus.

Though Dr. Kerner provides techniques to perform successful cunnilingus, he also urges that every woman is different and “giving a great head” requires knowing, respect, and intimacy. It’s about being more than a technician; it is about being authentic and present in body, mind and spirit.

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